

> > When the Bridge pipes "Man the Rail" there is a lot of rail to man on
> this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 4.5 acres. Her displacement
> is about 100,000 tons with full complement. >
> Capability >
> Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can
> operate for more than 20 years without refueling > 1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years > 2. Carries over 80 combat aircraft > 3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28-ton aircraft going 150
> miles per hour in less than 400 feet >
> Size > 1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline > 2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is
> tall > 3. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres > 4. 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200
> pounds > 5. 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons > 6. 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 square feet >
> Capacity > 1. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel > 2. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days > 3. 18,150 meals served daily > 4. Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water
> from sea water daily, enough for =000 > homes > 5. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and
> wiring 1,400 telephones > 6. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets > 7. Costs the Navy approximately $250,000 per day for pier side
> operation > 8. Costs the Navy approximately $25 million per day for underway
> operations (Sailor's salaries > included). >
> US Navy welcomes the USS Bill Clinton >
> Sunday July 2 nd 2006 Vancouver, BC, Headed for Seattle, WA. > The US Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet today. >
> Pictured above: >
> The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home
> port of Vancouver, BC. >
> The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy
> to President Bill Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts"
> and his conduct while president. The ship is constructed nearly
> entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a
> top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed)
> F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which although they
> cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck form a very
> menacing presence. >
> As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20
> person crew is completely diversified, including members of all races,
> creeds, sex, and sexual orientation. This crew, like the crew aboard
> the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and
> appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.! >
> An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of
> apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The
> number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and
> disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere. >
> The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national
> defense, but instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to
> seek refuge in Canada. The ship may be positioned near the Democratic
> National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively
> for social experimentation and whatever other worthless jobs, the
> ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of. >
> It is largely rumored that the ship will also be the set for the
> upcoming season of MTV's "The Real World." >
> The ship was renamed and commissioned USS William J Clinton when
> someone realized the USS Blowfish was already taken. >
Brandon A. Freeman
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